iTalk About Bacon
by merise
Summary: “Wow, Fredderly, you must be the pig that walked into the slaughterhouse willingly then.” Freddie and Sam have a chat about feel- no, bacon of course. Spoilers for iSaved Your Life.


I watched iSaved Your Life yesterday, and decided to write this based on the episode, so if you haven't watched it, you probably won't get some of it. I'm really excited for iWas a Paegent Girl on the 30th, because personally, my favorite character of the show is Sam.

I'm sorry if I made any grammatical errors. I just finished writing an essay for English, so my brain's sort of mushy. Just point them out to me and I'll get right away to changing them.

I've never written anything for iCarly before, so hopefully, I wasn't too OOC with the characters.

I do not own iCarly or its characters.

iTalk About Bacon

"You know I got you good, Spence." Sam smirked as she sat at the table. As a penalty for losing their game, Sam had brought over some of the foreign bacon (subscription courtesy of the Spencer's credit card; he was convinced the monthly charges were because of the monkey that he had bought before Carly took him back) and Spencer was now at the small grill, cooking it for her. (Not that she wouldn't have not eaten the bacon raw. Bacon was bacon to her, but she wanted to milk winning in his face.)

"All righty-o, Sammy-o, I've got to go to see my friend Socko about the suit-o that he said he'd fix-o for me-o." Spencer said as he moved the bacon onto the plate. "Just clean up when you're done."

Sam snorted.

"Okay, I'll clean up when you're done. I'll be back in an hour tops if Carly asks. Seeya kiddo."

Spencer grabbed his keys and closed the door behind him as Sam turned back to her plate and savoured the bacon just as the elevator began to make noises. The doors opened and Freddie hobbled out on his crutches. As soon as he walked into the room, his eyes headed toward the kitchen.

"Bacon, of course." He snorted as he tried to maneuver himself past the couch. One of the crutches got stuck in a pothole and he unsuccessfully tried to balance himself to pull it out. Sam sat at her chair, just watching him, not making any sort of movement.

"You going to help?" He directed toward Sam.

"Pff, mama doesn't help unless there's benefit for me. Plus, if I help you, that means this _a-ma-zing_ bacon gets cold. Not that it matters, but still."

"That the foreign bacon you were raving about earlier?" He finally gave up and set himself on the swivel chair in front of the computer.

"Yup. I thought the other kind of bacon in this room had a date with Carly." Sam stated as she ate another piece.

"We broke up."

The blonde shrugged. "I figured it'd happen sooner or later. After all, bacon is only hot for so long. What'd she say when she dumped you?"

"_I_ broke up with _her_."

"Wow, Fredderly, you must be the pig that walked into the slaughterhouse willingly then."

"Maybe." He muttered. Sam rolled her eyes. "Do you think it would have been better if I just stayed with her even if I was just bacon?"

"Why are you asking my opinion on this chizz? I already said the thought of you two as a couple made me want to puke up blood."

"Right."

Sam went back and devoured the rest of her plate. "The way I see it, bacon is bacon. Hot or cold, it's still bacon, and it's damn good."

"Sam-"

"Enh, enough philosophical chizz." Sam stretched as he stood up. "I'm going to talk to Carly. Put my plate in the sink for me, Fredhead."

"Sam! I'm in crutches, and-" Freddie protested but she ignored him and hopped up the stairs. He sighed and finally managed to yank his crutch free, making his way over to Sam's plate. There was a fourth of a piece of bacon left on her plate and he blinked to make sure it was still there. Sam _definitely_ was not one to leave food behind on accident, or on purpose for that matter.

_Oh no, my baby is definitely not eating _any_ bacon. That stuff is filled with fat and carbs and starch! It'll give you ticks!_

_Ma, bacon doesn't have any starch in it. And you could say the same thing about Sam.  
_

_Which is why I won't allow it! That stuff will never be in the house!_

Snorting, Freddie popped the rest of the bacon into his mouth. As he swallowed, he couldn't help but smile.

"Yeah, bacon is pretty darn good."


End file.
